


Visions of You

by she_who_the_river_could_not_hold



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Universe, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Sharing a Bed, okay that one is brief but the first tags are all about angst, season 6 spec, so I wanted to give a bit of hope haha, sorta??
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-11
Updated: 2019-03-11
Packaged: 2019-11-15 08:55:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,628
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18070337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/she_who_the_river_could_not_hold/pseuds/she_who_the_river_could_not_hold
Summary: After being rescued from tests conducted on her by the Eligius III, Clarke finds herself reunited with her friends. But there are still lingering effects that she's battling – repeated, nightly dreams of watching Bellamy die before her. It keeps breaking her, but she refuses to admit to anyone what is happening. Until one night her shouts draw Bellamy to her room and she confesses what's been haunting her nightmares.





	Visions of You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [eyessharpweaponshot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyessharpweaponshot/gifts).



> Hello! This was originally based on a prompt that an anon sent over to the lovely [eyessharpweaponshot](https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyessharpweaponshot/works) over on Tumblr, who then tagged me to see if I would be interested in taking a crack at it. Which of course, I was more than happy to. I love me some angst, especially when it comes to these two! I hope you enjoy it!!
> 
> Also a quick note, this is based on pretty much zero information about the new season so logic and full explanations to things?? I don't know her. Nah but for real I kept it pretty vague since we don't have too much of an idea about how things are going to go. Also I didn't really bother trying to figure out the whole B/E situation for this sooooo uh let's just say they're not together anymore to keep it simple! Okay now enjoy haha.

The whirring noise of a fan was the first sound that Clarke was aware of as her eyes flew open. Her small room was silent save that soft background noise, but it was almost a roar in her ears. The quietness, while maybe comforting to some on the ship, was deafening to her. 

 

She could feel her heart racing, pounding at her ribcage and a nausea rose up in her gut. 

 

Another nightmare. 

 

It had been two days since they’d rescued her from Eligius III’s hub, and it had been three days of endless torment while she had been there. At first the trip had seemed congenial, a way to learn about their government. While their party now included leaders of all factions, it had made the most sense for Clarke to be included, even help spearhead, the small group that would stay with them. Until the tests had begun.

 

No one else that had come with her seemed to have been affected by them. It made her feel crazy, flashbacks to her time alone on Earth before Madi. A deep paranoia had begun to settle in her stomach. Was she the only one being tested? Was it because she seemingly had no one connected to her, a loner in her own right? Had they believed that she was the easiest way in? Questions flooded her mind day in and day out, fighting to figure out what was going on. Hallucinations. Voices echoing beside her, tickling the back of her neck. 

 

What did they have to gain from it?

 

It had been Raven to first notice, coming over to inspect this new alien tech and see what it was capable of.

 

Clarke had barely been able to even remember that day, but she must have done or said something to tip Raven off. And soon, with shouting between her people and the leaders of the Eligius III, Clarke had picked up and returned home. 

 

The first day back had been filled with deliriousness. Fighting to regain control of her body again. Vomiting for so long her throat burned and her eyes stung, flushing her body clear of whatever it was that they had been injecting into her food. At least that’s how she assumed they had been doing it, she didn’t recall having any tests done on her.

 

She’d been cleared medically to return to her own room, the small enclosed space deep in their ship that she had taken when everyone had finally awoken. Maybe at one time it had belonged to a member of the original crew with its neatly-made bed and cold metal walls. But now it was hers, all that she had until they knew their place on this strange and unusual planet.

 

But being cleared medically had only been based on a physical examination.

 

Her mind still felt trapped, unable to let her close her eyes until it was impossible not to. Anything to avoid the visions that would take over her dreams.

 

She forced herself to sit up, choking in oxygen as she did.

 

Another nightmare.

 

Her panic was broken by the hiss of her door sliding open, her eyes flying upwards to see who was there. 

 

“Clarke?” 

 

Bellamy’s voice was rough with sleep still and guilt coursed through her at the knowledge that she must have woken him up.  

 

“You were shouting in your sleep again,” he continued as she just stared at him, her frantic brain still refocusing after the nightmare. 

 

She felt more embarrassment at the word again. How often had she woken him up to her yelling in her sleep like some type of child? She knew she was being hard on herself, it was out of her control, but this all made her feel so helpless she couldn’t help. She shifted nervously and uncomfortably, so far removed from expressing her deeper emotions to anyone. Madi had been her daughter, not exactly a confidant through those years. And then everything had changed so quickly, and even their time here on this new planet had changed everything. How was she supposed to open up about these weaknesses? 

 

Bellamy leaned against the doorframe, a sympathetic look gracing his features. As if he knew what she was thinking. She couldn’t tell if he was pitying her or just thinking to himself, but it turned out to be the latter as he pushed himself off and walked over to her bed. She nearly held her breath as he approached quietly, pulling her knees up and shifting further back so he’d have room on the small bed. The mattress coils squeaked as he sat down, as if mirroring the sigh that he let out as he looked over at her, 

 

His hand hovered near hers, hesitantly, as if he couldn’t decide if he could touch her or not. 

 

He settled on not, his hand resting next to hers instead.

 

“Tell me.”

 

She gave him a small shrug, her lip trembling as she stared down at their hands. 

 

_ His hands had been cold as she had dropped to her knees, clutching at his body desperately. An expression of shock on his face. A howl had ripped from her. Grabbing his hand with one hand and placing another on his neck. Searching desperately – hopelessly – for a pulse. Finding the cold, hollowness of death instead. Dropping her head to his chest as her tears diluted the blood pooling there. _

 

“Nightmares.”

 

Bellamy paused, his brow furrowing as he looked at her deeply. If it would have been anyone else it might have been unsettling, but it was him. And to see him so alive after so many nights of watching him die before her? His chest moving as he breathed, his fingers flexing on their own accord. The way his curls drifted across his forehead as his head tilted towards her, seeking an answer from her. It was overwhelming and it all came rushing into her. Suddenly it didn’t matter how desperate she felt. 

 

Her eyes closed as she let out a shaky breath, then nervously opened them again to return Bellamy’s gaze. 

 

“You were… dead.”

 

He blanched at that, taken aback by her quiet statement. 

 

Her voice wobbled as she continued to speak. “It’s all I see when I close my eyes. And it changes every time, but it’s always you dying. I just can’t ––” 

 

“Hey, hey.” Bellamy’s hand reached out and grasped hers, engulfing it with his own. “It’s okay.”

 

She shook her head violently. Her hands shook in his grasp and he tightened it, his thumb tracing her knuckles delicately His touch was so feather-like she almost didn’t notice he was doing it.

 

“But it’s not okay. They tried to take so much and every night they take  _ you _ . It’s a different way every time, but it’s always the same. I’m too late. You either die in my arms or you’re already dead and I feel cursed.” 

 

The words tumbled out of her mouth now. Her entire body felt like it was shaking and she kept seeing the other nightmares that had been plaguing her these past nights. The feeling of terror at losing him and having to feel it over and over again.

 

Before she even realized it, Bellamy pulled his hand from hers and enveloped her in a tight hug. Now she could feel the full extent of her body’s shaking against the steadiness of his. She clutched the fabric of his shirt tightly in her balled up fists, finally letting go and sobbing into his neck. His hand drew slow circles on her back and he rocked the two of them slowly. Her tears wracked her body, harsh cries that came from deep inside her.

 

She felt swallowed up by him in the best way possible. 

 

Her tears subsided, choking gasps that turned into subdued hiccups. She nestled her head into his chest, her body suddenly too exhausted to support her.

 

Bellamy pressed his cheek against the top of her head, his beard just barely scratching at her forehead and his breath hot against her ear. 

 

“I’m right here Clarke,” he promised, his voice low and soothing. 

 

She couldn’t find the words within her to say anything, instead nodding into his body and tearily pulling herself back just far enough so that she could nod her head. 

 

He brushed her hair away from her face before softly wiping away the tears that had stained her cheeks. She couldn’t help herself, allowing herself to lean into his hand as much as she dared. 

 

“We’ll figure this out, together. Like we always do,” he murmured. His face was wrought with concern, but he kept himself composed. Helping calm her down.  

 

One last sob raked itself out of her. A word, a promise, that recalled such different times. A different young woman and man who had barely begun to take on the weight of the world on their shoulders. But always together through it all. 

 

When Bellamy began to shift out of her arms, she ached at the idea of being alone again in this compact room. But even in her tiredness, she was shocked as he instead situated himself on her bed and under the thin blue blanket, pushing himself as close to the wall as possible. He then wordlessly motioned for her to come up with him, so Clarke found herself tucking herself into his arms. His chest moved peacefully under her hand and she found herself mesmerized by the rise and fall of it. Her finger sought out his heartbeat, feeling the dull pulse under his skin and nearly weeping out loud again at the knowledge that he was alive.

 

The rest of that night and for the first time in too long, Clarke found herself in a restful, dreamless sleep.


End file.
